Month: May 2015

And then there are TWO…


And then there are TWO…

 TWO diaper changes, TWO kids crying, TWO kids wanting my attention, TWO
 kids wanting me to keep awake everyday. If I fall asleep, I wake with a toddler screaming in my ear or a pile of her toys on top of me.
No, there are no perfect turkey dinners cooking in the oven, a sparkling clean house with clean children always well behaved. I feel like that expectation of what some people think how I should be.

My days are constant lists and my mind is filled with non-stop thoughts running every few minutes. I have to get “siri” to be my personal assistant to remind me everything I need to buy or to remember things before i leave the house or arriving home.
Everyday I Try to keep myself and the kids busy to prevent my toddler from being too bored and then the next mission is getting the kids home in time for my precious nap time.
Nap time is my ONLY time to have with some quiet time and maybe recharge or get things done in the house.
It took me a while to really be ready for another baby. I always got so much pressure to have another right away but I wanted to be ready emotionally and mentally ready to have another. My husband and I had to factor in how far apart in age we want them to be and if we wait to long that would mean I would be out of work for longer than I want.
I was still nervous about going through the whole process of having another baby while having a toddler.
So what made me finally decide to add another child to the existing chaos? It wasn’t until we brought my daughter to the pool when she was about 14 months old. She saw these two little girls probably sisters, playing together and having fun. She pulled me with her little swim floaty towards them and waved hello and laughed with them. She wanted so bad to join them however they completely ignored her.
It broke my heart. I realized what it was like to have a sibling. Someone to laugh and play with. Stay up with and at times get into mischief together. Someone to recall memories of childhood with as you become older.
It’s hard right now, but I guess you pick your battles each day and find what works for you even if its not “by the books”. Other parents do things different and even our parents will remind you of how they did things “differently” than you and constantly compare their parenting styles, etc.
There are days where i’m Holding 1 baby in a carrier and my other kid dragging her legs until I carry her too. I say to myself now and then, “OMG, how am I going to survive this day?” You just gotta do what YOU think is best for you. Learn to accept defeat and ask for help when you need it.
In the end, the kids aren’t the only ones taking baby steps in the process.





I remember thinking back to when it was winter weekend and maybe -30 Celicus outside when I lived in Alberta. I would be warm and toasty under my blanket inside the house. I would sit up after a long sleep, feel the cold air from the wind sneaking in from the cracks of the window, lie back down and sleep more. I would stay in my pjs all day, maybe draw and drink some hot tea and listen to music. Some would say that is boring, but I was happy having that time to myself.

I didn’t need to go anywhere, no alarm clock going off. The weekend was all for me.
Fast forward to the present. Everyday starts at 6 am. Getting up at 7am is just pushing it. My daughter is my alarm clock, which is usually 7am and during the night my son gets me up for night feedings.

It’s been a while since I had a weekend to myself.

Last week, I had a mommy melt down. My son was crying and hungry, and my toddler was screaming and wanting me to feed her first. I felt overwhelmed. Eventually things calmed down (with a few tears of my own) then I finally just had to tell my husband. I need a mommy time out. I think I always felt a bit guilty to have my own mommy time. However, I knew I really needed it. I just asked for a few hours for me.

What I realized was, I had one day with a few hours to myself and I wanted to fit so many things in that few hours but I couldn’t fit all.
I went to a movie by myself, did some small grocery shopping, came back home, fed my son while my daughter had a her nap, then I just drew again. Just a nice calm Sunday.

Although I don’t have my old weekends, I feel nice knowing that when I come home, there is still those little footsteps running to the door saying with delight, ” Mommy! ” And my husband asking me how my movie was. Or my little baby boy smiling at me cause I say, “hello to him.” I come home to a full house with people happy to see me. (Insert the Full House show theme song here)

I guess I realized that mommy’s need time outs too because we need some balance to get us through the busy week.
All I needed to do was ask without feeling guilty.